2/17/10
2/12/10
Cool Jokes
WOMEN' S REVENGE**
"Cash, cheque card or charge-card?" I asked, after folding up the items the
woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote
control for a television set in her purse. "Do you always carry your TV
remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, but my husband refused to come shopping
with me, and I figured this was the
most evil thing I could do to him legally."
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An
earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules,
goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
The wife said "See".
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and
beautiful all at the same time. The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so
I would be attracted to you!
"Cash, cheque card or charge-card?" I asked, after folding up the items the
woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote
control for a television set in her purse. "Do you always carry your TV
remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, but my husband refused to come shopping
with me, and I figured this was the
most evil thing I could do to him legally."
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An
earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules,
goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
The wife said "See".
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and
beautiful all at the same time. The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so
I would be attracted to you!
Ultimate Wife Jokes
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
------------------------------ --------------------------
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided
not to report it since the thief was spending much less than
his wife did.
-------------------------------------------------------
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of
Africa, a Man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
---------------------------------------------------------
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
-Henny Youngman
----------------------------------------------------------
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield
-----------------------------------------------------------
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Milton Berle
------------------------------------------------------------
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
"There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her, "Where's the car?"
She replied, "In the lake."
-Henny Youngman
--------------------------------------------------------------
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-Henny Youngman
-----------------------------------------------------------------
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You
know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him keep her.
---------------------------------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't
like to interrupt her.
----------------------------------------------------------
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.
---------------------------------------------------------
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is
finished.
----------------------------------------------------------
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does
it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still
paying."
----------------------------------------------------------
A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a
millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the
friend.
"A billionaire." she replied,
----------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over
experience.
----------------------------------------------------------
It's not true that married men live longer than single
men.
It only seems longer.
----------------------------------------------------------
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was
almost impossible.
------------------------------------------------------
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask
for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a
million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
---------------------------------------------------------
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for
marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
----------------------------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday is to forget it once.
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
------------------------------ --------------------------
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided
not to report it since the thief was spending much less than
his wife did.
-------------------------------------------------------
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of
Africa, a Man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
---------------------------------------------------------
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
-Henny Youngman
----------------------------------------------------------
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield
-----------------------------------------------------------
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Milton Berle
------------------------------------------------------------
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
"There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her, "Where's the car?"
She replied, "In the lake."
-Henny Youngman
--------------------------------------------------------------
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-Henny Youngman
-----------------------------------------------------------------
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You
know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him keep her.
---------------------------------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't
like to interrupt her.
----------------------------------------------------------
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.
---------------------------------------------------------
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is
finished.
----------------------------------------------------------
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does
it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still
paying."
----------------------------------------------------------
A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a
millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the
friend.
"A billionaire." she replied,
----------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over
experience.
----------------------------------------------------------
It's not true that married men live longer than single
men.
It only seems longer.
----------------------------------------------------------
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was
almost impossible.
------------------------------------------------------
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask
for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a
million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
---------------------------------------------------------
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for
marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
----------------------------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday is to forget it once.
Good Jokes
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
==================================================
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
==================================================
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
==================================================
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever !!!"
==================================================
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.
==================================================
==================================================
Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S?
B'coz people started licking the wrong side.
==================================================
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs??
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.
==================================================
Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How urs look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. Wat abt urs?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find urs!!
==================================================
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, im confident. ur friend also my son, that's
confidential!
==================================================
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should
talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
==================================================
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
==================================================
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
==================================================
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever !!!"
==================================================
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.
==================================================
==================================================
Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S?
B'coz people started licking the wrong side.
==================================================
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs??
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.
==================================================
Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How urs look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. Wat abt urs?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find urs!!
==================================================
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, im confident. ur friend also my son, that's
confidential!
==================================================
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should
talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints.
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