Money is not everything
There's MasterCard & Visa.
One should love animals
they are so tasty.
Love thy neighbor
But don't get caught .
Love is photogenic
It needs darkness to develop
A good discussion is like a miniskirt
Short enough to pertain interest and
long enough to cover the subject
Children in backseats cause accidents
Accidents in backseats cause children
Behind every successful man, there is one woman
and behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
Every man should marry
after all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
Wise never marry
and when they marry they become otherwise.
Success is a relative term
It brings so many relatives.
Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.
Your future depends on your dreams
So go to sleep
There should be a better way to start a
day than waking up every morning
"ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY"
So what? Who's in a hurry?
"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk! (I don't want to be an exception!)
"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours!
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
A dress is like a barbed fence
It protects the premises without restricting the view
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget,
The more you forget, the less you know
So. Why learn.
12/19/09
12/18/09
12/17/09
12/16/09
The Corporate language !!
"We will do it"
means
" You will do it"
"You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"
"We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"
"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
means
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".
"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
"There was a slight miscommunication"
means
"We had actually lied"
"Lets call a meeting and discuss"
means
"I have no time now, will talk later"
"We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"
"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
"We had slight differences of opinion"
means
"We had actually fought"
"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
"You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
"We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"
"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
means
"Well you know..."
"We are a team"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"
"That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"
"All the Best"
means
" You are in trouble"
means
" You will do it"
"You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"
"We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"
"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
means
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".
"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
"There was a slight miscommunication"
means
"We had actually lied"
"Lets call a meeting and discuss"
means
"I have no time now, will talk later"
"We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"
"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
"We had slight differences of opinion"
means
"We had actually fought"
"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
"You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
"We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"
"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
means
"Well you know..."
"We are a team"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"
"That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"
"All the Best"
means
" You are in trouble"
Joke
One morning at a doctor's surgery a patient arrives
complaining of Serious back pain. The doctor examines
him and asks him
" OK,what happened to your back?" The patient replies,
"You know that I work for a local night club? This morning
I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife
and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door
and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I
saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed
the fridge and threw it at him,That's how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car
wreck.The doctor said
"My previous patient was looked bad, but you look terrible.
What the hell happened to you?" He replied,
"You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was
the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was
running late.I was running out of the building, getting
dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was
hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other
two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks,
"What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"
complaining of Serious back pain. The doctor examines
him and asks him
" OK,what happened to your back?" The patient replies,
"You know that I work for a local night club? This morning
I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife
and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door
and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I
saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed
the fridge and threw it at him,That's how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car
wreck.The doctor said
"My previous patient was looked bad, but you look terrible.
What the hell happened to you?" He replied,
"You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was
the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was
running late.I was running out of the building, getting
dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was
hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other
two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks,
"What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"
12/15/09
12/10/09
Santa Attacks
Santa had always been worried that why he has one brother while his sister has two?????
**********
Santa selling parachute, tells the customer "jump from plane n press button & you can land safely."
CUSTOMER: if it doesn't open????
SARDAR : PAISA WAPAS.......
**********
Santa is walking along the road. He sees a banana peel. What does he think??
"UFF, Aj phir girna padega!!"
Then next day he is walking along the road, he sees two banana peels. What does he think????????
"Ispe se giru, ya uspe se????"
Then the day after that he sees a lot of banana peels on the road. So he calls home and tells his wife..
"AAj ghar late aaoonga!!"
**********
After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express.
Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.
When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.
Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.
Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."
**********
Bush: Impossible does not come in my dictionary...
Santa: Phir dictionary dhek ke kharidni chahiye thi na. .
**********
Ekbar light gai hui thi.
SANTA : arre Banta bahuat garmi ho rahi hai, zara pankha lagana..
BANTA : kardi na sardaronwali baat!! Pankha lagaya to moombatti bujh na jayegi??
**********
Customer: Is mirror ki guarantee kya hai?
Santa : It is 99% safe.! 100 feet se fenkoge to 99 feet tak kuchh nahi hoga"!
**********
Teacher to Santa " Where were U born?
Santa : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Santa : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.
**********
Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have come again..
**********
Santa complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Santa : I was watching TV na....
**********
Santa selling parachute, tells the customer "jump from plane n press button & you can land safely."
CUSTOMER: if it doesn't open????
SARDAR : PAISA WAPAS.......
**********
Santa is walking along the road. He sees a banana peel. What does he think??
"UFF, Aj phir girna padega!!"
Then next day he is walking along the road, he sees two banana peels. What does he think????????
"Ispe se giru, ya uspe se????"
Then the day after that he sees a lot of banana peels on the road. So he calls home and tells his wife..
"AAj ghar late aaoonga!!"
**********
After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express.
Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.
When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.
Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.
Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."
**********
Bush: Impossible does not come in my dictionary...
Santa: Phir dictionary dhek ke kharidni chahiye thi na. .
**********
Ekbar light gai hui thi.
SANTA : arre Banta bahuat garmi ho rahi hai, zara pankha lagana..
BANTA : kardi na sardaronwali baat!! Pankha lagaya to moombatti bujh na jayegi??
**********
Customer: Is mirror ki guarantee kya hai?
Santa : It is 99% safe.! 100 feet se fenkoge to 99 feet tak kuchh nahi hoga"!
**********
Teacher to Santa " Where were U born?
Santa : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Santa : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.
**********
Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have come again..
**********
Santa complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Santa : I was watching TV na....
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